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It's Dec. 2. It's been six weeks since your last post. Are you all right? Can I help YOU in some way?
You have all sent so many kind messages asking if I’m all right, I figure the least I can do is say something. For the past two months, I have been very, very depressed. I keep hoping it will break, and it hasn’t. I am talking to my doctor about adjusting my medication, but these things take time. My depression is treatment-resistant and I have struggled with it for over ten years. It never really goes away, but it is rarely as bad as this. We are having money problems, which is I think what has set this off. I am sorry I’ve been gone. I love running this blog, and I miss all of you. Boggle is the first thing I want to get back to when this weight lifts.
I guess this is sort of the trade-off you get for following a blog about mental illness from somebody who actually suffers from mental illness; I’m not always well enough to run the blog. I wish I could be more reliable for you all. I want to be there for you, and maybe make things feel a little bit brighter for you, even if things aren’t very bright for me right now.
I know, when I am doing better than this, that I believe in people, and life, and the chance of recovery, and—on my best days—even myself. And I know that depression is a state of delusion, so anything I think now that I don’t think when I’m feeling better is certainly untrue. But right now that is something I have to take on faith, and that faith is all I have. I am sorry I don’t have more to give you. I will be back the minute that I do.
I hope you’re taking care of yourselves out there.
Boggle, I just love your blog! I'm writing for my college newspaper. Would you mind if I wrote an article about it? (all good things, of course!) I just really believe more people should know about you!
Wow, that’s really cool of you! Of course, go ahead!
I was never allowed to make any forts growing up. It was "for boys." You reminded me and, I'm a freaking adult and I'm going to be in a blanket fort!
This is the best thing I’ve read all day. Build that blanket fort for justice!
Hello, Boggle. I've been meeting a therapist the past month. The first few weeks, things went rather slowly and i kept thinking it's just because i'm starting out, but the last time i visited her, something... happened. I can't describe it very well, but it felt like something was blocking me from talking any further to her. I just fell silent in the middle of counseling for several minutes, and we eventually decided to cut the visit short. Now i feel really stupid and i have no idea what to do.
Funny as it sounds, that’s a really good sign!
If you didn’t WANT to talk to her, that’d suggest to me that maybe your therapist just isn’t the right fit for you. But being UNABLE to talk to her? That’s a defense mechanism. It means that something was about to come up that you didn’t want to think about, and the only way you could stop it from coming out was to stop talking completely. That’s really frustrating when it happens, but it also means the therapy is working! It’s bringing things to the surface that your illness desperately wants to keep suppressed.
Therapy can be a weird, awkward experience. But if you respect your therapist, I would definitely say to go back! If she’s any good, she’ll be able to help you overcome that block, and you’ll be able to really get to work!
Hi Boggle, I've had anxiety problems since I was a little kid and haven't ever had the money to get treatment for it. Now I'm in college and I keep having panic attacks and missing class because of them. I'm scared that my grades will suffer, and that's just making me more anxious. What should I do?
If you’re at college, there is a very good chance that your school will offer you free counseling. You can contact student services to find out what’s available to you. Many colleges with psychology or social work programs also offer cheap-to-free counseling as a way of training their graduate students (these are always overseen by a licensed professional). Your campus may also have support groups that are relevant to your struggles and experiences. College offers so many options: please look into what you have access to, preferably before finals!
Boggle, what kind of owl are you?
I (loosely) based Boggle off of eastern screech owls!
They’re the kind of owl I used to see around when I was growing up.
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